The sad truth is we cannot change what has been and gone; we cannot change the decisions we made in the past; and we cannot change what has happened to us. The past has gone, it's done, finito!
What we can do is to accept and let go. Life and the decisions we make are part and parcel of it, and we can grieve, regret, blame, and stay traumatised by what has been and gone, or we can look at it all with new eyes. Firstly, I would say: have these negative feelings, acknowledge them, grieve, cry, and get angry at yourself for all that has happened, all the injustice, all the hurt and pain of the past. But then make a conscious effort to heal and see things from a new angle.
Every path we take, every decision we make has a purpose, and that purpose is here for us to grow, heal, learn, look at things from all different angles and see what we can gain from these experiences, how we can use and grow from these experiences. Letting go of what has been, what we no longer control, or what we can no longer change is essential. And I am the first one to admit that this is not always an easy process.
Learning to observe and go inward will help us get to know ourselves better and understand what we see, how we look at things, why we made certain decisions in the past, and how we could be better in the future.
When I take stock of my life, I often think that I made many bad decisions. However, when I go deep within myself and descover the things I learned and still learn from these decisions I feel proud of how I conquered these challenges, these consequenses from my choices and now I often tell myself, that no decision is bad, each decision is aligned with what I need to learn, it is aligned with a qconsequense that helps me grow and learn to the highest good.
We beat ourselves up, thinking I should have done this or that, I should have known, I should have seen, but no, I did not see, know or do it differently, and why? I had to repeat a lesson, discover something new, grow some more on that specific path; it is never wrong, it is always exactly what we need. Tough, I know, but when you can look at your path this way, when you can look trauma in the face and say, yes, I learned from you, yes, I am actually grateful I was allowed to learn a lesson from this horrible experience, thank you. You can also say, "I am done with this lesson. I am grateful. I forgive myself and anyone involved, and now I let it go for good." Then be proud of yourself, love yourself for learning, growing and evolving more each time you make a decision, a choice that ends with a consequence that gives you lessons to learn.
The more you observe, the more you learn that all decisions come with consequences; you will know that you can choose what you are ready to learn right now. Sometimes we make impulsive decisions; these are nudges from the Universe, telling us we are prepared for the teachings we will receive. Many times when this has happened to me, I have found myself kicking and screaming at the Universe, crying in despair, begging it to stop throwing me into challenges I feel I cannot cope with, only to look back later and be proud that I had the opportunity to learn. Know that I know some challenges may go on for years, and it may take years to understand the lesson, years to learn and heal, and to come to the point when you can say thank you for this shit lesson I had to learn. Thank you for the pain, hurt, shame, guilt and grief I had to endure to learn this lesson.
Accept yourself for decisions, for your weaknesses, for your self-doubt, for being a slow learner, for not always getting it right the first time round. It is okay, and it is precisely how it has to be. We are all unique yet so similar, but be grateful for being you. Let go of the past, the trauma you felt, but carry in your heart the precious lessons you learned.
Ask yourself what it is I have to learn from this experience. Always pause when things get rough and ask, "What is this for?" What can I know? What can I discover? How can I get past this? How can I heal? Listen, observe and bring awareness into your life. Answers may come in different ways; repeated numbers you see, colours you notice more of, animals that cross your path, words that hit you during a conversation and many more signs you may notice. Keep a dream journal. Notice songs you may hear over and over. Many messages offer clues about what you may need to learn or do to get through the challenges each day.
Let go, be grateful and accept yourself the way you are, as you are beautiful just the way you are.
Photograph by Barbara Schar, a flower from my garden.
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