It has been an interesting few days for me. I received an email from a friend I'd known for forty years or more. This email shook me to my core, as she described how she looks at life, and good for her. But all the points she made were in complete opposition to what I stand for and who I am. At first, I felt it was an attack on my belief system and who I am as a person, a put-down on my positive and motivating outlook on life. She calls herself a realist and me a toxic positivity, whatever. That is all good and well, and she has every right to her opinion. And we known each other for a very long time, so we should be able to tell each other how we feel and think. And still, I was in shock to receive this email. It hit me, and it hurt me, but it also made me think, helped me discover more, and led me to think more deeply about my life philosophy. I found more ways to explain how I feel and how I work on healing myself, which helps me to look at each challenge and obstacle differently.
The reason this hit me so hard was that she had been a close friend for a very long time, and I trust her opinions even so; I know we did not always see eye to eye, but that was a good thing. I observed myself and noticed it triggered my insecurity; it kind of shook my way of thinking, and when this happens, I start pulling everything apart. I reread the email, considered how I might have misread it, and whether it might not be an attack on me. Then I googled a few of her statements to better understand them and draw my own conclusions. I like the KI-Modus. I can ask many questions, and I find it interesting and helpful to discover all the different ideas. Many of her statements I could agree with in some ways, but the hardest statement that I try to understand more was the fact that Hope was right out, dangerous and harmful to our mental and emotional well-being. This did not resonate with me, as I always feel we need hope, or we may just sit and die. Also, trust no one, especially not the medical people. These two statements gave me sleepless nights. When trust and hope are gone, what is left?
So here are some of my thoughts, ideas, etc. about Hope; Hope by itself to me means that everything changes, change is the only constant in life, and when we have hope, we know things will continually change. But when we add an attachment, a wish list to HOPE, we almost have a guarantee to get disappointed. And so it is EXPECTATION that really is the culprit, not Hope. Trust no one seems sad, closing off your heart means you could well miss out on something outstanding. Expecting others to treat you the way you treat them will not happen. Wishing for things without putting any effort into them will not come to pass. That others agree with you, sorry not always and most others will bring something ever so slightly different to the table. We have the freedom to choose, and so even if we think others should have good morals, integrity, and high standards, we cannot expect them of them. We can set a good example of what we expect from others, and it may or may not rub off on them.
A realist also states that we should not suppress our feelings like anger, hurt, grief, etc. I agree, but to heal these feelings, blaming others for how we feel, I think differently. The feelings, emotions, and thoughts we have are ours alone. No one forces us to feel a certain way, even though they have harmed us or been cruel to us. The feelings, emotions, and thoughts that come from each of us depend on our upbringing, surroundings, belief systems, and experiences. And also on how we handle situations, how we navigate our own healing process and the support we seek, the advice we take, and more.
We control our feelings, emotions, and thoughts; by observing ourselves, we can learn to heal and grow. What I have discovered is that to any of our feelings, emotions, or thoughts, a story is attached. When we feel anger, we attach all the life stories that created it, and the anger grows worse each time we are triggered to add another story to it. Think of your brain as a computer that keeps all these memories, and when you get triggered, it brings up all these memories. Why not put all the memories on an external hard drive, or tell yourself they're no longer current and therefore no longer need attention? Then sit for a while with anger alone, without a story attached. When you pull away the story, the attachment, anger loses power; it suffocates if you no longer give it oxygen. Sit with anger and acknowledge it is here; you are aware of it, but the story has been put away as it is no longer current. You can not change what has just been. You can no longer change yesterday or what was one hour ago. Learn to remove the story, the attachment, or the file that goes with a specific emotion like anger, hurt or grief, etc. And as you release more of your life stories from your feelings, the less intense the next trigger will be. So what I'm trying to explain is that, in my case, the shock, hurt, insecurity, and other emotions were triggered by the email. Hit me, but as fast and furious as these emotions were triggered, they also faded much faster than maybe a few years back. The only story attached was the email and one story from the past, which I gave no attention to. So when I sat for a few minutes with shock, hurt, insecurities and a few other emotions, I had detached them from the email and any past story. I gave them no longer any power, I gave them no longer any oxygen. I accepted and acknowledged these emotions, but they faded very quickly.
The more we work on ourselves, observe ourselves, and recognise what triggers us, the more quickly we can work with it, resolve it, let it fade, or let it go. When we get through these kinds of experiences quickly, it gives us a boost, and we feel excited.
Was there an attachment to excitement? Honestly, yes, I felt a boost to my ego, having come full circle and a sense of believing the way I think and manage my challenges is a good thing, adding the emotion of sadness as my friend feels that her life is full of shit. Anyone who believes their life is good is dishonest; the relationship has ended, because she does not want my encouragement, my hope, or my positive motivation. Believe in the good, have faith, faith does not need a religion attached, and keep hope without expectation. Practice feeling emotions without attachment or story, and the emotion will fade. You come to a state of neutrality and peace. Even my excitement when I detached from the story faded; what remains is peace and balance.
A year 9 is coming to an end, and it brings with it many endings, some unexpected, and some are just naturally coming to an end. Follow what is right for you, walk your own path with courage and conviction. Gather information that resonates with you and leave the rest behind. Trust in yourself, you are in charge of yourself. Make choices you feel comfortable with, embrace challenges, and know you can do it.
Growing older is not without its challenges
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