Self acceptance and letting go

 The sad truth is we cannot change what has been and gone; we cannot change the decisions we made in the past; and we cannot change what has happened to us. The past has gone, it's done, finito!

What we can do is to accept and let go. Life and the decisions we make are part and parcel of it, and we can grieve, regret, blame, and stay traumatised by what has been and gone, or we can look at it all with new eyes. Firstly, I would say: have these negative feelings, acknowledge them, grieve, cry, and get angry at yourself for all that has happened, all the injustice, all the hurt and pain of the past. But then make a conscious effort to heal and see things from a new angle.

Every path we take, every decision we make has a purpose, and that purpose is here for us to grow, heal, learn, look at things from all different angles and see what we can gain from these experiences, how we can use and grow from these experiences. Letting go of what has been, what we no longer control, or what we can no longer change is essential. And I am the first one to admit that this is not always an easy process.

Learning to observe and go inward will help us get to know ourselves better and understand what we see, how we look at things, why we made certain decisions in the past, and how we could be better in the future. 

When I take stock of my life, I often think that I made many bad decisions. However, when I go deep within myself and descover the things I learned and still learn from these decisions I feel proud of how I conquered these challenges, these consequenses from my choices and now I often tell myself, that no decision is bad, each decision is aligned with what I need to learn, it is aligned with a qconsequense that helps me grow and learn to the highest good. 

We beat ourselves up, thinking I should have done this or that, I should have known, I should have seen, but no, I did not see, know or do it differently, and why? I had to repeat a lesson, discover something new, grow some more on that specific path; it is never wrong, it is always exactly what we need. Tough, I know, but when you can look at your path this way, when you can look trauma in the face and say, yes, I learned from you, yes, I am actually grateful I was allowed to learn a lesson from this horrible experience, thank you. You can also say, "I am done with this lesson. I am grateful. I forgive myself and anyone involved, and now I let it go for good." Then be proud of yourself, love yourself for learning, growing and evolving more each time you make a decision, a choice that ends with a consequence that gives you lessons to learn.

The more you observe, the more you learn that all decisions come with consequences; you will know that you can choose what you are ready to learn right now. Sometimes we make impulsive decisions; these are nudges from the Universe, telling us we are prepared for the teachings we will receive. Many times when this has happened to me, I have found myself kicking and screaming at the Universe, crying in despair, begging it to stop throwing me into challenges I feel I cannot cope with, only to look back later and be proud that I had the opportunity to learn. Know that I know some challenges may go on for years, and it may take years to understand the lesson, years to learn and heal, and to come to the point when you can say thank you for this shit lesson I had to learn. Thank you for the pain, hurt, shame, guilt and grief I had to endure to learn this lesson.

Accept yourself for decisions, for your weaknesses, for your self-doubt, for being a slow learner, for not always getting it right the first time round. It is okay, and it is precisely how it has to be. We are all unique yet so similar, but be grateful for being you. Let go of the past, the trauma you felt, but carry in your heart the precious lessons you learned.

Ask yourself what it is I have to learn from this experience. Always pause when things get rough and ask, "What is this for?" What can I know? What can I discover? How can I get past this? How can I heal? Listen, observe and bring awareness into your life. Answers may come in different ways; repeated numbers you see, colours you notice more of, animals that cross your path, words that hit you during a conversation and many more signs you may notice. Keep a dream journal. Notice songs you may hear over and over. Many messages offer clues about what you may need to learn or do to get through the challenges each day.

Let go, be grateful and accept yourself the way you are, as you are beautiful just the way you are.

Photograph by Barbara Schar, a flower from my garden.

Observation, shadow and everything has its opposite

 When we observe ourselves, we can go deep within, look at our heart and soul, delve into our shadow, explore what makes us respond in specific ways, what triggers us, what aligns with our soul, what makes us feel uncomfortable, and discover the vastness of our being. 

With observation and the right questions, we can understand what we truly want, what we truly experience, and how far back a specific issue reaches. We carry problems from our past, even past lives if you believe, we have stuff from our ancestors, things we been taught by our parents, schools and outside influences. These issues may cause us depression, anger, frustration, jealousy or injustice and many more. With observation, we can go deep.

While we work on these issues, new challenges may appear, grief, shame, embarrassment, low self-esteem, and you name it. So much observation, so many things to discover and how to deal with it all. 

Everything has its opposite; all the issues I named above have their opposites. Let's flip the negative into the positive, and we're done. Unfortunately, it is not quite this easy. Some more minor daily issues we can flip from negative to positive, as long as we observe the negative thought, feeling or happening. Issues we've carried for a long time take much longer to shift into a more positive perspective. When we sit in the middle of a traumatic experience, the root may go back to our childhood or even further. The trigger for the traumatic experience may be hidden from us. Or the repeat of the trauma, and we are stuck in the cycle of repetition. Observation and awareness are needed in these situations. Patience and continued effort to work through these feelings, issues, and recurring patterns are required. It takes time, oh yes, it takes time. Try not to get too hard on yourself. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge feelings, situations, and patterns that are negative and suck your energy dry.

Remember that everything has its opposite. When you feel low, this will pass, and you will feel on top of the world again. When you feel hate, you will feel love again. It takes practice, and you can speed up the process by observing and becoming aware, and by consciously working on your patterns and negative feelings.

2025 in numerology is a year nine, a year of endings, leaving behind old patterns and habits. We can consciously end old cycles and move into 2026, a year 1 of new beginnings. But it is not quite as cut and dry; the energies are shifting, for some faster and for some slower. Think about it, the year of the Snake is all about transformation, shedding your skin to renew yourself and moving into the year of the Horse, a power animal, movement and taking the changes we made forward into new experiences with hard work. With Chinese New Year not falling on the first of January, we have a bit more time to finish old cycles and clean out the past.

Change happens gradually, not overnight. Old patterns, feelings, and emotions shift gradually; we cannot cut feelings off, so I sometimes feel like some people can.

How do I work with all this negativity inside myself? I have been spending 2025 deeply searching my soul for answers on how to heal old wounds, traumatic experiences and old destructive patterns. I had been in a narcissistic situation for about three years, and in November 2024, a sudden, abrupt divine intervention happened, which got me out of the problem. The situation was gone, I was free, but not really free. I felt my own thoughts torment me; I could not let go of injustice, grief, hurt, pain, and the anger and betrayal I felt were just not me. I questioned, why did this happen to me, why do I not get answers, why could anyone be so cruel and hurt another being? How could I fall for it? And I had thousands of questions but no answers. I had to dig deep and turn things around. I worked hard on this with every tool I had. The fact is, I worked on myself even during the traumatic experience and felt the divine intervention was a gift to finally stop the situation. But as we all know, grief is not going away overnight. Challenges still come and test us, and we have to continue our work. 

Over the next few blog posts, I will share with you how I bring together the many tools I have learned to help me through challenging times. I do not give medical advice. If you are feeling physically ill or find it too hard to cope, PLEASE seek medical advice. Join victim support groups, seek counselling, and talk to your medical doctor. 

One of the things I use is music, listening to music while talking to myself, walking myself through all my emotions with total honesty. I acknowledge and accept myself for what I feel. If I feel anger, hate, or even rage, I take these feelings, recognise that they are there, and tell them, I will put them aside for now. A bit later, I suggest these feelings that I put them into a lovely, cosy basket and send them off into the universe, where the divine will take care of them. Sometimes, in the end, I write these feelings down, forgive them, and then burn them and let go. These rituals I may do daily for a few days. I come back if they rear their ugly heads again, and I work on it until they fade.

Trauma that may stem from a long time ago that got triggered through a traumatic time in the present takes a long time to fade. I will be honest with you, it can be hard work, and it does take time and patience with yourself. What I have noticed is that the triggers or challenges we face may have many roots: issues that happened not long ago, things from the distant past, even further back, karma we bring into this world, or anything else. This can make it all more confusing and challenging to work through. 

Because this year is one of endings, I have chosen specific issues I want to work through and let go of for good. And this may mean other issues, less critical right now, get sorted through the next nine-year cycle or other ending cycles. From New Moon to the next New Moon can be a cycle. Monday to Friday can be a cycle, one month to the next month, or each new year you can use as a new cycle and a new beginning. In fact, every day you have the choice to make changes and have new beginnings; it all lies in your perception.

Here are three links to the favourite music channels I use for healing: Luminayan Portal  , The Quantum, and The Tao Wind

Astrology can also give clues about what is going on in our lives, and how or why we may get from looking into it. I will write a post with ideas that help us go deeper, become more observant and aware. Things that help us better understand ourselves and situations.

Photograph by Barbara Schar Orchides at the flower festival in Thailand

Learning to observe with honesty

 Learning to observe ourselves honestly may sound easy, but it is not. Often, when I was in my clinic as a healer, I would ask the client, "How would you describe yourself as a person?" Usually, the response is: "Ask my partner." Interestingly, people would find it difficult to explain how they thought about themselves. When we want to work on ourselves, improve, grow and evolve, we must learn to observe ourselves, no matter how difficult it may be at times. My thoughts are that everything has its opposite, and every word, thought, and idea has its opposite, and so it is only natural that at some stage we may observe negative trends in ourselves. Here, it is essential to be honest with ourselves. And you need not tell anyone what you observe. This is between you and your inner child. It is okay.

Learn to observe, every feeling you have or that comes to the surface when something triggers you, when you read something, when you watch something, when you speak, when you listen, use all your senses, use your whole body to hear, see, feel and observe.

This can also be called mindfulness, being connected with yourself, your feelings, thoughts and all your senses. It takes practice, and when we have thousands of thoughts and work to do, it is hard to observe them all at once. Do you know anyone who has been in an accident and talked about how their whole life flashed before their eyes? Think about it. They actually observed their entire life in a few split seconds. It's incredible how much we can actually observe and become aware of in a split second. To me, this means we can train ourselves to observe and bring awareness to it all more quickly as we practice more.

We can start by just observing our thoughts; it is incredible how many thoughts race through our brains, and we catch only a few of them each time. Spend time with yourself and observe. Think about what you can do when you master observation: you can start choosing what you want to feel, think, or experience. You can stop yourself in your tracks when you become angry, when you think negatively, and when you sense that something is wrong. 

Observe when you eat or drink. How do you feel when drinking coffee? A boost then a collapse? What about when you eat certain things, when you crave things, when you overindulge or just when you eat things that may upset your stomach, or you get the runs from? Start identifying the foods that energise and uplift you, and the things that leave you dull and tired. The foods that affect your weight, etc. I have always loved bread, any kind of bread, but I know that it is one of the culprits that makes me put on weight fast, especially when I eat it in the evening. I can handle it in the morning, but only then. It is challenging to identify foods, because I always think everything in moderation is fine. Yet, it is so interesting to really observe and to make changes in your diet to observe more clearly and to see results in feeling more energised and more alert. Of course, then you will observe that hundreds of other factors that you observe will help in feeling happier and more content.

Observe the colours you are drawn to when getting dressed, or the colours of the food you prefer. Which colours, what do they mean to you, why do you choose these colours, what do they make you feel? I always tell the story of how, in the early days, my orange skirt was my debt-collecting skirt. The colour orange made me feel strong, seen, confident and creative, and it gave me the courage to ask my clients to pay their bills. It was an observation I made, and it was also the beginning of my growing curiosity about the role colour plays in our lives. The more we observe, the more we can integrate positive things into our lives. Everything is energy, and as we integrate more of these positive things into our lives, we will reflect them outward and draw more of them in. It sounds simple, but it takes practice, and believe me, we can easily slip up over and over again.

Honest observation is a tool that can help you get through challenges, but free will may sometimes block you from making better choices. Curiosity may lead you to take on a challenge, and outside influences beyond our control can challenge us as well. Karma, past lives, our DNA, hereditary challenges, ancestral challenges, there is so much we have no control over. Also, we do not have enough insight into this complex situation called life. But every tool, every observation, helps us become more aware; we can grow, learn, evolve, practice, and take on challenges when we are better equipped. 

The more we observe ourselves, the more we get to know ourselves, and the more we may experience glimpses that do not reveal how true they are. What you observe in your life, inside yourself, is yours, and yours only, and others may not understand it or believe it. Keep it for yourself. Enjoy what you feel and experience within yourself through observation. Allow yourself to question yourself. Research if you want to. Be curious, with your own observations and understanding.

The more observant we become, the more mindful, the more fulfilling life becomes. We need less, we want less, and we become more peaceful with what we have, feeling no longer the need to race to get somewhere. When life calms down, we are aware of every breath we take; we smell the roses again; we chew and enjoy our food more; and all this is incredibly powerful and beneficial for us, our mind, body, and spirit.

   Colours, light and beauty from the flower festival in Chiang Mai last year

Photograph by Barbara Schar.

About this Blog

 Many of you may know me from other blogs I have written, and from my time as a homoeopath and healer for people and animals.

Back in New Zealand, I have practised as a Homoeopath and healer for people and animals for thirty years. I studied Homoeopathy for seven years. I earned my Aura Soma practitioner qualification, sports massage, fitness Instructor, and Yoga teacher certifications. I also did courses in Ayurveda, and learning the Pranayama, which I wrote about my experience practising pranayama daily and its benefits. In my earlier days, I was a gardener and horticulturist, spending about three years teaching horticulture to first-time offenders. One of my jobs I treasure in my heart, as it was the most rewarding job I ever had. But enough boasting about my expertise.

My blogs are about my own healing journey, what I use and work with, and what I've experienced with various healing modalities. I am now retired, and I know our healing journey does not stop. In fact, I believe that the more we heal, the more challenges we have to work through, and sometimes I think I wish I'd never started this journey.

Having had and still having many physical health issues since birth, it started me on this journey of self-healing, digging deeper, and my curiosity in why, what and all the questions I had. Some I still have, got me on this spiritual journey of learning, observing and self-awareness.

In 2019, I moved back to Europe and am planning to end my time abroad by returning to my home country, Switzerland, next year, if all goes well. By next year, I will have spent almost fifty years of my life abroad. You may ask why I return home to my country of origin. Over the past few years, the world has been changing dramatically. Often, I hear that immigrants are no longer welcome, and people assure me it is not you we do not want, but others. Well, to me, it is simple: I have an excellent home country I can return to, but many others don't. So I like to offer my space abroad to someone who can no longer go home because of war or other crises. I have been incredibly fortunate to spend so much time abroad, and I am grateful to return to a country where my roots lie. Spending time abroad has helped me heal, grow, learn, become who I really am, go deeper within myself, challenge myself, become more flexible, and simply enjoy who I have become. I firmly believe that if I had stayed in Switzerland, I would never have been able to break out of the rut I was in. I felt the pressure to perform and be a certain way, to behave as I was told. I think I would never have been strong enough to become myself and express myself as I truly am. There is no blame, but I believe that when we travel and live in different countries with different habits, cultures, and laws, we grow, learn, adapt, and find ourselves questioning more, feeling and experiencing in various ways that may better align with who we truly are. Going home, yes, Switzerland is still my home, and I know certain Swiss traits have never wholly left me. An example: in New Zealand, when invited to a party, I have always been the first to arrive. Even when I would leave my place at the time the party started, I would still be the first. People arrived an hour past the original time, and as a Swiss, I could not adapt to that, no matter how hard I tried. Funny really.

In 1978, when I first ventured out, still a teenager really, I spent a year in Denmark on a horticultural property. What a culture shock for me, the conservative, still wet behind the ears, teenager, coming to a country so free, without any inhibitions. Discos, dancing, drinking, and having fun between some hours of work was the life. I was totally in awe of the lifestyle in Denmark. But as a Swiss, I could not let go of all my inhibitions; that is okay. Then, I went to New Zealand as an exchange student, and later, I immigrated. A long story and yes, lots of amazing experiences, a beautiful country, but not without its challenges. But we grow through challenges. I was young in a new country on the other side of the world. And so my journey of self-inquiry, self-awareness, and healing on all levels began. Learning, growing, experiencing the good and the bad while trying to make a living. But I know we all have a story to tell; we all want to heal and evolve; we all seek answers; and we all want a happier, healthier life. In 2019, I left New Zealand and moved to Estonia, where I could continue my country lifestyle, similar to that in New Zealand. Estonia is a beautiful country, with a language that is hard for me, or almost impossible to learn. I chose to live out in the country, not many neighbours, somewhat isolated, but a chance to be nearly self-sufficient. I loved the hermit life, a time to recharge the batteries, a time to reflect on the past, what I had learned, and who I had become. In today's world, the internet keeps us connected and entertained, but it also brings its challenges. Never did I think I would be challenged to this degree. After everything I have gone through in my sixty years of life, learned from and healed from, I didn't think I would be going through hell for the last four years, coming out of the other end more resilient and with a whole lot of new knowledge and experience. Challenges never end; learning never stops, whether we like it or not. 

In this blog, I like to share how to get through challenges, what to observe, the tools we can use, and whatever else comes to mind. These are my experiences; remember, each of us has a slightly different journey. What works for one may not work for another, so take what resonates and leave what does not.

What I have learned is that our plans often do not turn out as we expect or would like, but whatever surfaces when I write it is what is needed, and even if it touches only one person, it is worth sharing. One of my passions is energy, vibration, and the idea that everything is energy. When we shift the frequency of energy and vibration, we can change what unfolds in our lives. Every word has its opposite, and the two words sit right next to each other. We can choose which word we want to use, feel or work with. The small gap between the two words is the neutral space to think, pause and choose in which direction we want to go. Our thoughts can be our saboteurs or our healers.

Enough for today!